We’ve come to the conclusion that the current metal sub-genres just don’t cut it. Pfft. No way 50+ is enough. Worse yet, distinctions like “post-techincal-grinding-hermit-death-slam” are just obnoxious. So, as such, we’ve decided to dig deeper and show you the real sub-genres with examples to boot. Take a gander.
Dancy Prog
These are pseudo progressive metal bands that play meshuggah grooves and cutesy sweep riffs. They write incredible, catchy songs and are relatively non-threatening when compared to most extreme metal. Be prepared to get wiggly when these jams play!
Brutal Tough Guy Slam
A gratuitous amount of slam riffs and heavy breakdowns are employed in every song in order to ensure that the listener knows just how truly brutal these bros are. Gym shorts and body odor are more than welcome in BTGS mosh pits.
High School Metalcore
These bands essentially write Taylor Swift songs but with Gothenburg riffs and screamed vocals. So, will they have any fans left when they’re in their 40’s and still whining about girlfriend problems?
Norwegian Bigot Metal
Some bands like to spend most of their time drinking heavily and writing/jamming new music. On the other hand, these bands like to spend most of their time plotting terrorist attacks, killing homosexuals, and reading/masturbating to Mein Kampf. Seriously, why do people like this?
Pretentious Wank Metal
These ultra-technical death metal bands like to throw 100 different ideas into a single song in order to disguise the fact that they severely lack composition skills. But, there’s potential! (At the very least, one of them will become an awesome Necrophagist cover band).
Whitechapel-Core
Basically, this refers to every deathcore band since 2010 that appears to be re-releasing “This Is Exile” under their own moniker. Subtle additions include more atmosphere and “I hate everything” lyrical concepts.
Sensitive Guy Hardcore
These modern hardcore bands like to talk about deep, introspective stuff while playing Shai Hulud riffs. If their heartfelt lyrics and melancholy tone don’t occasionally bring a tear to your eye then you probably aren’t human. Nuff said.
Extreme Pantera Metal
These bands combined all of the best traits of death metal with all of the grooviness from the “Vulgar Display of Power”. Essentially this is every New Wave of American Heavy Metal Band with perhaps the exception of Mastodon.
Revival Nu Metal
Beginning their careers by playing shitty deathcore music, these bands were soon revitalized when going through their middle school cd collections and rediscovering the revolutionary brilliance of Limp Bizkit’s “Significant Other”. Immediately they knew that their mission was to make it 1999 again.
